


Help

by Brat_Simpson



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: AU, M/M, Superhusbands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-11-16 08:41:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brat_Simpson/pseuds/Brat_Simpson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Steve and Bucky are brothers, they meet Tony when they're kids and pretty much have a lifelong bond right away.  But there's more to it than that because Tony needs Steve, although he may not necessarily know it.  They try and figure it out at college.  Features most of the characters from the Avengers film franchise.</p><p> A drabble that I decided to continue.  I'm not sure where it's going/if there's an actual end or even an actual story here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Nice to meet you.  This is my little brother, Steve,” Bucky said, dropping his hand on his brother’s head and ruffling the neat, blonde hair.

“Hi.” Tony smiled tightly.

Steve frowned, pulling away from his brother, and tried to comb his hair back in place with his fingers.  His cheeks were pink.  Steve was shorter than both Tony and his brother by about a foot; he’d been praying for a growth spurt for years.  Each night before bed, he would wait for Bucky to brush his teeth, before kneeling in front of his bed and asking God to make him taller.  He wanted to join the army; he wanted to help people.

“So, uh, you guys drink?” Tony said.  He unzipped his jacket, letting the black tip of a Jack Daniel’s bottle poke out.

“I do,” Bucky said. “Steve doesn’t.”  Steve’s cheeks turned pinker.

“Too cool?” Tony asked, tipping his sunglasses down so Steve could see his brown eyes.

“No,” Bucky answered, before Steve could.  “Too young.”  Steve was only fourteen, two years younger than Bucky and Tony.

“Fair,” Tony said.  He pulled the bottle out from his jacket and handed it to Bucky.  “Take a swig, soldier.”  Bucky smirked, his eyebrow raised and examined the label of the bottle before unscrewing the cap and swallowing enough of the amber liquid to keep his stomach hot for a few minutes after he’d passed the bottle back to Tony.

And this was how Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers from Brooklyn (“Steve’s last name’s different because we’ve got different dads,” Bucky would later explain to Tony one day) met Tony Stark, heir to multi-million dollar corporation, Stark Industries.

 

            Steve would get that growth spurt at sixteen.  It was Bucky and Tony’s senior year, and when Tony came back from winter break he noticed he had to look up slightly when talking to Steve.   (“It’s a fucking Christmas miracle!”)

            It was also in Tony Stark’s senior year that he slept with Steve for the first time.  This was post-growth spurt; Steve had walked Tony home (out of necessity) from a party and it had just “sort of happened.”  This was how Tony told it, with a little shrug, to his best friend at Phillips Academy, Pepper Potts.  And when she crossed her arms and stared at him with thin lips he added that “it hadn’t come from nowhere.”  He’d noticed the way that Steve would watch him when he thought he wasn’t looking, or the way that Steve’s cheeks turned extra pink whenever Tony flirted with him, jokingly or not.

            And it happened a few times.  Tony would get just drunk enough to make it feel okay to himself, just one more time.  He told himself that he’d be graduating soon anyway.  He knew Steve, Bucky and he were friends forever (they all knew it after one night when Tony had shown up to their apartment slurring and stumbling he declared, “My father is dead to me.”  Bucky raised the bottle of whiskey Tony had brought with him and said, “To dead fathers.”  He took a drink and passed it to Steve.   It was his first drink; he was fifteen) but he pushed those thoughts away. Sometimes with heavy tumblers spilling with liquor, but sometimes with more. 

            But he would see Steve during winter breaks, and when Steve came to visit his brother he slept on their couch.  So Tony did his best to keep it cool; ‘ _just act like it never happened’_.  And so Steve got the little brother treatment when Tony saw him, like how it was before that one night after the party.

            Steve’s junior year he joined the football team, and it had done his body well.  By senior year he was almost unrecognizable from the fourteen-year-old boy Tony Stark had just happened run into on the streets of Brooklyn all those years ago.  It was also in Steve’s senior year that he applied and got into the same school as Tony, with a full scholarship.

            “Congratulations, nerd,” Tony said lightly punching Steve in the arm.  He took a swig from the bottle of whatever it was he was drinking tonight to distract himself from the tight, hurried beats his heart was rushing to squeeze out.  “Whatever happened to the army?”

            Steve glanced down at the floor, like he always did whenever Tony made his cheeks turn pink.  He didn’t need to join the army anymore; he’d found someone who needed his help.


	2. Closet Case Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve lied to Thor.

 

Steve wasn’t honest with Thor; this is his first roommate, Thor.  Steve had gotten lucky roommate-wise, but Steve kind of felt like his whole college experience had been a luck-based thing so far.  He’d planned on not going.  Not to a university anyway, he figured possibly community college.  He did all of the things that high-schoolers who plan on going to real college do (good grades, extra-extra-curriculars, late night SAT study sessions), but he could hear at the back of his mind his Mom reminding how tight money was each time he got hopeful.  The army had always been a thing, _the_ thing.  At least, until Tony became _the_ thing for Steve.  And so it felt like luck when he got into the same school as Tony, and it felt even luckier when he got a full ride.

“That’s not luck, dumbass, that’s called payoff.”  This is Bucky’s take on it.  “All those nights you spent studying instead of drinking and playing video games, all those clubs and teams you joined, that’s why you got scholarships little bro, not luck.”  This is probably true, but Steve Rogers still didn’t believe he actually belongs here.  He didn’t even have a major yet.

He and Thor had been drinking (Thor had brought a shit ton of beer), and eventually Thor asked if Steve had a girlfriend.  The word alone was enough to make him feel like he had tracks to cover; _girlfriend._   Between his mother, and football teammates, and Bucky, he heard the word almost daily for years, usually in a question and after the words ‘ _Hey Steve, when are you going to get a_ …’ So he told Thor ‘no,’ because that was true.  He’d hoped college wouldn’t be like that, but it had just sort of slithered out of his mouth.  He’d actually pictured the moment too, thought that when his roommate did ask about girlfriends he’d just come out and say it, “oh, I’m gay,” and it would be casual and not worth commenting on.  And Thor is a theatre major (no homo), so it should be safe.  But, “no.”

“I don’t have one either,” Thor said.  He has an accent, English, and which caught Steve each time he spoke.  Thor tossed his beer to the ground and it clanked against another can.  They’ve probably had four beers each but neither of them was drunk yet.  This was Thor’s idea, roommate bonding over Budweiser.  Steve had tried to warn Thor that he had a pretty high tolerance (Tony Stark had taught him how to drink) but Thor insisted he could drink him under the table.  Steve had shrugged, if anything it meant they would spend a while getting to know each other.

“This is pathetic.”

Steve and Thor heard this from their doorway, where Tony and Bucky were standing.  Before Thor could even ask, “Who are you?” or “When did you open the door?’ Tony was talking.

“The first night in the dorms and you guys are having some drunk pity party about not having girlfriends?”

            “We’re here to rescue you,” Bucky said, tossing Steve a flask.  “Start drinking.”

           

            Steve had been to Bucky and Tony’s place before (since Bucky didn’t have to pay to live with Tony he could afford community college), but this would be his first time meeting any of their friends one-on-one.

            The game was called Ring of Fire.  In the center of Tony’s coffee table was a shot glass with some cards balanced on top of it.  Around the shot glass was a circle of face down cards, around the coffee table sat Steve, Thor, Bucky and Tony and their friends.

            Steve reached toward the circle of cards and pulled out a five.  He held it up and looked expectantly at Clint who was sitting across from him. Clint goes to school with Tony (and technically Steve now, too) and is in a frat.  He knows all the rules.

            “What does five mean?” Steve asked.

            “Five is guys,” Clint said.  “Everyone with a dick drinks.”  There was only one person sitting around the coffee table who didn’t fall into this category; her name was Natasha and she was with Clint.  Maybe not _with_ him, but she’d come with him anyway.  She hadn’t said much but Steve liked her anyway, she was pretty, had red hair, and looked like she could take care of herself.

            Thor pulled a two out of the ring.  ‘Two is you,’ Clint explained and Thor took an enthusiastic swallow of beer.  Thor moved to place his card on top of the shot glass with the rest of the used cards but knocked them off of the shot glass instead.

            “Shot!” Bucky said, pointing at Thor.

            “Shot!” Tony agreed.  And soon Clint was chanting and even Tony’s shy lab partner, Bruce, was egging him on.  This apparently was what happened when someone accidentally knocked the cards off of the shot glass.

            ‘Eight is date.’  Tony pulled it, and slowly his eyes drifted around his circle of friends while he held up his card. 

            “I pick…” he said, drawing out his words slowly.  He looked at Steve, and held eye-contact for a while before shouting out, “Natasha!” and turning to her.  He grabbed the tumbler in front of him and held it up.  “Every time I drink, you drink.”

            Natasha smirks because she’s game and then tilts her beer back and starts chugging before Tony even says ‘go’.  Everyone laughs and starts chanting Natasha’s name and Steve decides he likes her more, because it means no one will see him blushing.  He wondered what it would be like if Tony _had_ picked him and it makes him even more grateful for Natasha’s existence.

            “How you liking college?” Bucky said, lazily dropping his arm around Steve.

            “S’good,” Steve said.  He sipped his beer.

            “Good,” Bucky said. “I want to make sure my little brother has a good time,”  he said.

            “You’re drunk,” Steve chuckled.  Bucky took a sip of his beer and squirted it at Steve from his mouth.

            “Never Have I Ever!” Clint said, stepping onto the coffee table as Steve wiped Bucky’s beer off of his cheek.

            “Never has he ever what?” Thor asked.

            “It’s a drinking game, dumbass,” Natasha said.

            “How do you play?” Thor asked and Natasha rolled her eyes.

            “Hold up five fingers and—“

            “Never have I ever…” Clint said, splaying out his five fingers for everyone to see.  “Slept with someone younger than me.”

            “Put a finger down and drink if you’ve done that,” Natasha said to Thor.  Thor did.  Bucky and Bruce also drank, and Tony glanced at Steve before taking a particularly large gulp.

            Steve blushed again.  They hadn’t had sex since he was sixteen, when Tony was a senior.  With Tony at college it was easier for them to not get in situations that made them want to have sex with each other (i.e. situations involving large amounts of alcohol).  Steve wondered if things would be different now that they went to the same school.  He shrugged the thought off though, things were different now.  Things had changed, hadn’t they?  He looked down at himself and then flexed an arm muscle.  They had.

“My turn,” Bruce said.  “Never have I ever peed myself,” he said, and smirked at Clint.

            “It was one time!” Clint said, covering his eyes with his hand before taking a sip from his drink.

            “Do the times when you were a baby count?” Thor asked Natasha.

            “For you, yes,” she said, opening her eyes wide and nodding her head slowly.  Tony laughed and Steve smirked.

            “I like her, she’s saucy,” Tony said and Steve knew he was tipsy.  Hell, Tony was probably drunk.  They were all pretty drunk.

            “Never have I ever been caught masturbating,” Thor said..  Steve laughed and nudged Bucky in the ribs who rolled his eyes and swallowed some of his beer, slightly agonizing over the memory of Steve walking in on him jerking it to Keeping Up With the Kardashians. 

            “Never have I ever tried to grow a moustache,” Steve said, still kind of laughing and then nudged Bucky in the rips again.  Tony laughed too.  It was a short phase in Bucky’s junior year that made him look more like John Waters than anything else.

            “You guys are killing me,” Bucky said.  But they all ended up drinking a large amount, especially Clint and Tony.

            “Never have I ever had sex,” Natasha said, and if it weren’t for the alcohol she probably wouldn’t have; her neck turned red.

            “Why?” Tony asked, staring at Natasha.  “Waiting for the ‘The One?’” Tony said, raising an eyebrow like he was testing her.

            “No,” Natasha said, locking eyes with Tony. “Love is for children.  It just hasn’t happened.”  She raised an eyebrow.  “Everyone who has had sex has to drink don’t they?” she asked, and she looked at all the men around her.  Bruce drank, Clint drank, Bucky and Tony drank, and Thor drank and they were all eventually looking at Steve because he hadn’t.  Bucky opened his mouth to speak and this is where Tony came in.

            “Never have I ever gone streaking,” and everybody laughed.

            “Really?” Bruce asked, chuckling again out of surprise.  “ _You’ve_ never gone streaking.”  Tony nodded.

            “We should do it,” he said, and Bucky started to laugh but then made a serious face when he realized Tony wasn’t joking.

            “Stark, no,” Bucky said, holding up his hand.

            “Oh come on, don’t you want to give little Stevie a good college experience?” Tony said, undoing his belt buckle.

            “No it’s just—“

            “Oh, you’re just afraid to show?” Tony said, grinning widely.

            “Yeah right,” Bucky said, hopping to his feet and unzipping his jeans.

“This just got… really gay,” Natasha said.

“I think as long as you’re around we’re good,” Thor said.  Natasha scoffed.

“You know you’re a lot dumber than that accent makes you sound.”

“Come on, Nat,” Clint said, pulling his t-shirt off.  Steve couldn’t help but smirk as the guys around the room started pulling their clothes off.  Bucky and Tony were down to their underwear and Bruce had started unbuttoning his shirt.  Steve turned to Thor to see him starting at his belt buckle.

Steve glanced at Natasha, the only other person who hadn’t started to pull her clothes off.  She raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged his shoulders.  He glanced around the room quickly and then looked back at Natasha and smiled.

 

“Okay but you’ve got to stay in front of me,” Natasha said.  All of the guys were in their boxers, leaning on Tony’s car, which was in a parking lot on campus.  They’d decided that campus was the best place to streak (better than Tony’s apartment complex at least).  Natasha was pulling off her jeans in the car, agreeing to do so only if the guys never looked back at her. They ran out from the parking garage in their boxers to the campus green nearby.

“Alright, just run the length of the green and back!” Clint said.  He looked around at the guys, grateful that there was still some heat left over from the summer.  “1, 2, 3, GO!”

Each of the guys pulled down their boxers and took off.  It was the air felt cool, slightly sticky.  And it felt good to run, feel the air push in and out of lungs and feeling your feet hitting the ground, kicking up dirt.

“Hey where’s Natasha?” Clint said.  He’d glanced back.  Steve turned around too and saw Natasha running off with a bundle of underwear in her hand.

“She’s got our underwear!” Bucky said, stopping in his tracks.

“Get her!” Clint yelled, and Tony and Bruce had already taken off after her.  They followed her into the parking garage, where she was waiting inside the car.  They crowded around it she clicked pictures of them with her phone.

They were outraged for a few moments, but it got to be funny soon enough.  Clint was pounding on the car windows and Bruce was trying to hide behind another car and yell at Natasha at the same time.  Tony was the first one to laugh, and then they all looked around at each other and started laughing.

Eventually Natasha let them back in the car anyway.

“You’re… asshole,” Clint said, pointing at her.

“Whatever, you guys are all wasted.” She crawled forward into the front seat.  “I’m driving.”

“Hey,” Thor said, tapping Steve on the shoulder.  “You want to just run back to our dorm?” Thor grinned.  Their clothes were still back at Tony’s place so they’d have to run in their boxers.

Steve glanced back at his brother, and Clint and Bruce who were arguing with Natasha about driving.  Clint was holding his arms out and (failing at) proving he could walk in a straight line, while Bruce started reciting the alphabet backwards.  Steve glanced at Tony who winked at him.

“Fuck it, it’s college,” Steve said.  He pulled his boxers down and winked back at Tony.  He turned to Thor and glanced at him expectantly.

Thor grinned wider and pulled his boxers down too, and whipping them around over his head he howled like wolf before taking off toward campus.  Steve laughed and howled too before setting off after him.

Bucky, Clint and Bruce all quieted down and stared as Steve and Thor ran off, howling.  Bucky narrowed his eyes and looked at Tony who shrugged.

“Freshmen,” Bucky said and shook his head.

“Get in the fucking car,” Natasha yelled and then honked the horn.

***

“Oh my god,” Steve groaned.  He pressed his palm against his forehead, trying to alleviate the heavy thumping he felt behind his brows.  He opened his eyes and slowly sat up; he was in his bed on campus.  He glanced down at his comforter and his sheets; this was his bed now.   ‘ _I’m a college student_ ,’ he thought to himself before he heard Thor groan from his bed across from him.

            Thor attempted to roll over and ended up rolling out of his bed, landing on his back.  Thor leaned forward and burped; “Oh no.” He reached for a nearby trashcan and pulling it into his lap let out a stream of puke the color of dirty water

            Steve had been trying to hold back laughter at Thor rolling out of bed, but the vomiting was too much, his constrained smirk gave way and within seconds he was crying.  He wiped at his eyes and asked if Thor was alright; he made a noise that probably meant yes.

            “Unngh, what did we drink last night?” Thor moaned.

            “I don’t know, but we drank all of it.”  Steve stretched and got out of the bed.  He looked at his clock; they’d slept past noon.  Steve ran a hand through his hair and smirked.  If hangovers were the worst of it he was pretty sure he could do this college thing.

            “Where are the bathrooms again?” Thor said, his voice had an odd echoing quality to it.  His head was inside the trashcan now.

            “Come on I’ll show you,” Steve said, smirking again.  “You can puke while I shower.”  Thor gave him a thumbs up.

 

            Steve was used to showering in front of other guys, so the community bathrooms weren’t bad.  They were better than the gym showers he was used to because there were individual stalls with shower curtains here.

            Thor had apparently given all there was to give as far as vomit was to concerned so he and Steve showered in stalls next to each other.  Although he wouldn’t like to admit it, Steve spent a good amount of the shower imaging what Thor looked like naked.  He’d gotten a look at his top half when they were walking to the showers from their room (he’d kept his eyes to the ground while they were changing) and boy, what a good look it was.  Thor was muscular, not necessarily Steve’s type, but he wasn’t really sure what his type was (aside from Tony).

            “So, you have any plans tonight?” Thor asked from his stall.

            “Not sure, Tony and Bucky will probably rope me into something.  Want to come with if they do?” Steve asked, letting the water spray off the last of the suds on his body.

            “Yes, your brother and that Tony guy…” Thor paused to find the right word.  “They’re fucking awesome.  And Clint? Oh man, that guy’s crazy.”  Steve laughed, if anything Tony and Bucky had been tame last night.  Thor didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

 

            “What do you think about that Natasha chick?” Thor asked when they were walking back to their room.

            “She’s… nice,” Steve said.  That wasn’t the right word to describe her; Steve kind of thought she was a bitch, but only in the most positive sense of the word.

            “No, I mean, like, she’s hot, right?”  Steve felt his face sting with warm pinpricks as he unlocked the door to their room.

“Uh—“ Steve started. 

“Wait, you don’t think she’s hot? Dude, are you blind?” Thor asked, his eyebrows almost touching his hairline.

            “No she’s pretty, it’s just—“ Steve felt sick to his stomach; he knew he was going to tell him.

            “Pretty?  That girl’s—“

            “I’m gay,” Steve said.  And it just sort of fell there in between the two of them.  Steve was staring at the floor, and slowly his eyes looked upward to see Thor’s open-mouthed expression.

            “That’s aw—“

            “Look, if you want to switch roommates—“

            “—some.  That’s fucking awesome, man.”  Thor smiled and then turned away from Steve.  He dropped his towel, grabbed his underwear and started changing; no big deal.  Steve let out a small sigh and walked over to his dresser.

            “My brother’s gay too,” Thor said.  “His name’s Loki.  He’s a freshman too.”

            “You trying to set me up?” Steve asked, smiling.  He was joking, but he wondered what he’d say if Thor actually were trying to set him up? _‘No, sorry, I’m busy wanting Tony Stark to realize he needs me.’_   But then again, if Thor’s brother looked anything like him...

            “Nah, I doubt you’re his type.  He’s a bit… strange.”  Steve nodded, but he wasn’t really sure what that meant.  His phone went off; it was a text from Bucky:

            ‘ _Stark and I are gonna’ pick you up at 8.  Don’t dress like a dweeb.’_

***

“You’re dressed like a dweeb,” Bucky said, when he walked into Steve and Thor’s room.   “Hey Thor,” Bucky said like an afterthought.  
            Steve sighed, he was wearing khaki pants and a plaid button-down.  He knew Bucky was going to give him shit for it but he’d put it on anyway; Steve just liked looking nice.  He preferred collared shirts and Bucky preferred ones with the sleeves cut off.

“Bucky…” Steve sighed. “I’m not changing”

“Stark!” Bucky called, and Tony rolled his eyes from the doorway.

“You do kind of look dweeby Steve,” Tony said, rubbing the back of his neck.  Steve sighed again.

“Fine, I’ll change,” he said.  _‘And not just because of Tony,’_ he told himself.

  “Where are we going anyway?”

***

            “So what fraternity is this again?” Steve asked.  He was sitting in the backseat next to Thor. Tony was driving and Bucky was sitting passenger. 

            “Uh... Alpha Delphi Zomega or something,” Bucky said.

            “Those aren’t Greek letters,” Steve said.

            “Those aren’t letters in any alphabet,” Tony said.

            “Whatever.”

“Do they usually have good parties?” Thor asked.

“Yeah, the best on campus,” Tony answered.  “Lots of booze, the hottest girls, good music.  Actually that reminds me, if anyone asks you guys aren’t freshmen.”

“We’re not?” Thor asked.  Steve knew better than to question Tony.

“Yeah, Clint said no freshmen tonight.  You guys are okay, just don’t tell anyone else.”  Thor and Steve nodded, each of them trying not to smile too wide.

“Is it worth joining?” Thor asked.  Tony and Bucky made non-committal noises.  Bucky didn’t actually go to their school, so he couldn’t be in a frat and Tony was definitely not a fraternity kind of guy.

“Maybe? I don’t know, I don’t like to shit where I eat,” he said.  He turned around and winked at Thor.  Steve blushed but Thor just tilted his head to the side.

“Oh, you’re gay too?” Thor said after a few moments.  Steve felt his stomach drop; he wasn’t planning on coming out to his brother now or anytime soon.  His mind flooded with different excuses, none of them seeming sturdy enough to blurt out.

“Too?” Bucky said, almost immediately.  He attempted to turn around in his seat but the car made a harsh swerve, as if Tony had yanked the wheel.  “What the hell, Stark,” Bucky said, snapping his head in Tony’s direction.

“Sorry,” Tony said.  “Look at that we’re here.”  They’d pulled up onto a sidewalk; there were rows of large houses each with Greek letters on the front.

 

Clint greeted them at the door.  Well, it wasn’t Clint who opened the door, but as soon as they walked in, Clint ran over to them yelling.  It was the only way to be heard over the crowd; there had to be at least a hundred people packed into the house.  In high school Steve had seen his fair share of parties between Bucky and the guys from the football team but this was something new. 

“Barnes! Stark!” Clint said, pulling Tony and Bucky into a tight hug.  “And little Barnes! And… I don’t remember your last name, Thor,” he said, pushing past Tony and Bucky to hug Steve and Thor.

“Rogers,” Steve corrected.

“Odinson.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let’s drink bitches!”  Tony covered his laughter with his hand but Bucky didn’t even bother.

“Dude, you’re faced.  Let’s go get on your level,” he said, putting his arm around Clint.  “You guys good to mingle on your own?” Bucky said over his shoulder to Steve and Thor.  Steve gave him a thumbs up and then Bucky, Tony and Clint disappeared into the crowd, which mostly consisted of girls grinding on guys and vice versa.

“Is that Natasha?” Thor asked.  He nodded in the direction of a redhead who was chugging from a bottle of Vodka.

“Uh,” Steve started.  The girl passed the bottle back to some guy and then wiped her mouth without so much as a ‘thanks’.  Yeah, definitely Natasha.  “I think so.”

“Damn,” Thor said, admiring her from a distance.  Then he seemed to come back to reality.  “Hey,” he said, his tone becoming more serious.  “Does your brother know about you being gay and all?”

Steve felt his cheeks change colors again.  The fact that he and Thor were almost shouting just to make sure they heard each other didn’t help his embarrassment any.  “Uh, no.”

“I’m sorry man,” Thor said.  “We’ll have to come up with some sort of high sign so you can tell me who knows and who doesn’t.”

“Actually, you’re the only one who knows.”  Thor raised his eyebrow and smiled.

“Really?”

“Well, Tony kind of knows I guess, but… yeah you’re the first person I told.”

“I’m honored,” he said.  He smiled and put his arm around Steve’s shoulder.  “Let’s go drink about it.”  Steve nodded; now was definitely a good time to drink.

There was a guy serving drinks behind a bar (“There’s a bar in this house? I’m definitely rushing,” Thor said).  When it was finally Steve and Thor’s turn they both asked for a beer.  The guy eyed them, and opened his mouth as if he were about to ask them a question and then just shook his head.

“We’re out of beer,” he said.

Tony and Steve could see beers behind him on a counter.

“Here” he said, handing them two cups.  Steve took a sip; it tasted like cherry Coke.

“Is there even alcohol in this?” Steve said, turning around to Thor.  They were already moving away from the bar so it didn’t matter anyway.

“No—Loki!” Thor said, throwing his arms up.  Steve turned around just in time to bump into a taller guy with dark hair.  He also managed to spill his drink down the guy’s shirt.

“Sorry,” Steve said.  He looked around for something, a towel or a napkin but this was a fraternity.  “Uh sorry, I can… give you my shirt?” Steve said.  He was wearing a henley that Tony had told him to put on; it fit him snugly enough that you could tell he had muscles, which was just enough to make Steve uncomfortable.

“No, it’s fine,” the guy said just before Thor wrapped him into a hug.

“Thor, I can’t breathe,” Loki croaked and Thor let go of him.

“This is my little brother, Loki!” Thor said, turning to Steve.  “Loki, this is my roommate, Steve.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Steve said, but what he really wanted to say was ‘Who named you guys?’  Loki gave a small smile and shook the hand Steve extended toward him.  Steve could tell what Thor had meant by him not being Loki’s type; Loki was very obviously gay.  Steve assumed from the tightness of his pants that Loki was wearing girls’ jeans, which made him slightly uncomfortable.

“What are you doing here, you don’t drink,” Thor said.  “How did you even get in?”  Loki was a freshman too, Thor would later explain to Steve, but he’d skipped a grade.

“I, uh,” Loki glanced at the floor.  “Figured I’d give something new a try. It’s college and all,” he said.  Steve recognized the look on Loki’s face because it was one he’d made a hundred times before around Bucky; older brothers just have this way of making you feel young.  “And I just came in with this girl,” Loki looked around the room to try and find her.  “She had red hair or something.”

“Natasha?” Thor yelled, more out of excitement than necessity.

“Yeah, I met her outside.  She said she’d get me in if I pretended to be her boyfriend when guys started to creep on her.”  Thor’s mouth dropped open.

“Why aren’t you with her now then?”

“She gave me her number, said she’d text me when she needed me.”

“I need that number,” Thor said, reaching toward Loki’s pocket.

“No, Thor!” Loki said, swatting his hand away.  Thor kept on trying to fit his hand into Loki’s pocket though. 

“Hey, I think I’m going to get some air,” Steve said.  He could feel bass vibrating in skull.

“Alright,” Thor said.  He and Loki were tangled around each other; they were definitely brothers.

“Nice to meet you,” Loki said, as Thor started to maneuver him into a chokehold.

Steve smiled and then headed toward a set of glass sliding doors that led to the back yard.  As soon as he pulled the door open he could smell marijuana.  He laughed and shook his head.  ‘ _College.’_

            There were a good number of people outside too, maybe thirty, but Steve felt more at ease.  All of that gay talk had been getting to him.  He was okay with being gay, he thought, but sometimes it was more than he’d like to think about.

            Steve sat down on a chair and looked around.  They were on large wooden patio, and while he was away from the noise and grinding from inside something about the open space kept him feeling vulnerable.  Everyone outside was talking to someone else, but he was by himself.  He looked around for a friendly.

            _‘So, what’s your major?’_ he said in his head and then groaned; it was a guaranteed giveaway that he was a freshman.   Deep in his gut got the feeling that he didn’t belong.  These were college students, not even freshman college students, but real people with real majors and plans for their lives.  They weren’t just chasing some high school crush.  He sighed and was about to go inside, to try and get a real drink when he saw Natasha out of the corner of his eye.

            “Natasha!” he said, waving and smiling brightly.  He walked over to her and realized that she must kind of like him because she at least tried to hide the fact that she was rolling her eyes.

            “How did you even get in here?” she whispered.

            “Tony,” Steve shrugged.  He looked down to see that she was carrying a bottle.  “Where’d you get that?”

            “I’m a hot chick at a frat party,” he said.  She glanced at it and then decided to take a swig from the bottle.  She held it out to Steve.  He smirked and took the bottle from her; it was cheap vodka, and burned like it, leaving a bitter, stinging aftertaste in his mouth.  He frowned and handed the bottle back to Natasha.

            “I met your boyfriend by the way,” he said.  Natasha smiled.

            “Yeah, that’s one of the downfalls of being the hot chick at the frat party,” she said.  “I’ve always gotta’ find a gay guy to be my fake date.”  She lifted the bottle to her lips and tilted her head back.

            “You never want to find a real date?” he asks.  She hands him the bottle and scoffs.

            “Not with these guys,” she said, gesturing to the men around her slurping beer from red cups.  Steve snorted.  “Why are you so curious?” she said, elbowing him.   Steve’s cheeks turned warm and then he took a deep breath.

            “I’m not, I’m actually—“

            “I was just kidding,” she said, holding up her hand.  She grabbed the vodka from Steve’s hand.  “I’ve seen you look at Tony.”  Steve’s cheeks turned hotter.

            “Is it obvious?” Steve asked, trying not to show any panic.  He wondered if Bucky could tell.

            “Nah, people see what they want to see mostly.  I think people see an all-American like you and just assume.”

            Steve relaxed his shoulders.  In just one day the amount of people who knew about his secret had tripled, possibly quadrupled depending on whether or not Loki knew.  Steve knew in his head that this was okay, that this was what was supposed to/had to happen, but he could feel dread in his stomach.

            “Why are you some closet case?” she asked, smiling.

            “Uh,” Steve said.  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “No?  I don’t know yet, just sort of coming out for the first time.”  He was looking at his shoes.

            “To me?” she asked, batting her eyelashes.

            “Well, you’re third person,” he said, and she deflated.  “Second though.”  She rolled her eyes, but it was friendly this time.

            “Like I care.”

            Steve smirked. He felt the need to remind her not to tell anyone, like a bodily urge, it was just there.  Part of him felt that he should trust her though, or even just be okay with her telling people.  He knew that people probably weren’t even thinking too much about his sexuality anyway, they had their own lives.

            “Uh-oh, fag drama,” somebody behind Steve said.  He turned around with his eyes narrowed but realized they weren’t talking about him.  When he followed the direction they were pointing in he saw Tony arguing with someone.

            “Shut-up, Hammer,” Tony said.  He was turning away from another guy, who had thick glasses.  “Remind me never to share blow with you again.”

            “Oh please, Stark!  As if you could even hear the word blow without your nostrils turning on like vacuums.”  The guy with the glasses said this; he looks very preppy.  He had brown hair, and was wearing a button down tucked into shorts, with a tie.

            “Actually when I hear the word blow I just remember you on your knees at that Halloween party.”  The crowd of people gathered around them let out a few ‘oohs.’  Tony had a good amount of clout around campus because not only was he a billionaire, but he was a fun to be around, enough so that anyone who had a problem with his gayness kept their mouth shut.  Hammer, first name Justin, was less popular; mostly people just made fun of him for being in the closet (he dated Tony his freshman year, but claimed he was totally straight now).  Hammer stormed off and Tony pulled a cigarette out of his pocket.  This was when he noticed Steve and made his way over.

            “Hey,” he said, his eyes widening as he got close to Steve.  One time, after they’d woken up in bed together, Tony had told him that he never felt comfortable around Steve when he was on drugs.  ‘It just feels like you’re judging me.’  And if Steve were being honest he’d agree.  He didn’t like Tony using hard drugs; they scared him.  But he wasn’t Tony’s boyfriend.

“Having a good time?” Tony asked.  His hands kept jittering and every few seconds Tony would shake them.  Steve tried to smile.

            “Uh yeah, me and Natasha,” Steve glanced at the spot where Natasha had been.   “Well, she was here,” he shrugged.

            “So, did you see that whole thing with Hammer back there?” Tony asked, almost interrupting Steve.  He nodded and Tony sighed, his shoulders shrinking.

            “Look, Hammer’s just this douchebag I used to… well we just used to hang out a lot, but he’s a total skeezebag, you shouldn’t believe—“

            “I don’t care if you do drugs Tony,” Steve said calmly.  Tony frowned and snapped his head in Steve’s direction; he tried to read Steve’s face, but Steve had gotten good at pretending not to judge Tony (or at least he hoped it was pretending).

            “Yeah well… I don’t like being a bad example for you,” Tony said.

            “You don’t have to be a good example,” Steve said.  “You’re not Bucky.”  ‘ _Or my Dad,_ ’ he thought. 

            “Yeah, but you’re just like a little brother to me,” Tony said, putting his arm around Steve.

            Steve shrugged his arm off.  He hated when Tony treated him like that, like a little brother.  _‘You don’t have sex with your little brother,’_ he wanted to say.

            “I think I’m gonna’ call a cab,” he said, standing up.  Tony frowned and looked up at him.

            “Wait—“

            “Nah,” Steve said.  He started to push through the crowd to get back towards the entrance of the house.

            “Steve wait,” Tony said, scrambling up and trying to follow after him.  “Let me drive you!”

            “No,” Steve said, not bothering to sound pleasant.  He pulled open the door to the house and a wave of sound flew past him.  He walked inside and squinted, trying to see the front door in the low light.  Tony grabbed his arm and tried to pull Steve around to face him.

“Steve!” Tony shouted over the music.

            “I’m not letting you drive me, you’re drunk and high Tony,” Steve said, whipping around.  Tony almost cowered.

            “You drive then,” Tony said, fishing his keys out of his pocket.  He handed them to Steve.  Steve looked down at the keys in his hand and then huffed.  Tony just had this effect on him sometimes.

***

            They hadn’t said anything and Steve was almost back at Tony’s place.  He’d driven with his jaw clenched and hands firmly on ten-and-two the whole entire time.  He made a turn and Tony’s place became visible just up on their left.

            “So, if you wanted to stay over,” Tony said.  “Like, if you were too tired to drive…”

            “That’s your best attempt at a booty call?” Steve asked.  He smirked.

            “I… shut up, Rogers,” Tony said. 

 

“You’re off your game, Stark.”  Tony flicked him off.  They both smiled, maybe to cover up the tension that they both felt as they thought to themselves, _‘so it’s going to be like this again?’_

“Just use one of the lines you used on Hammer,” Steve said, and instantly regretted it.  He started to blush and the smile faded from his face.  Tony sighed.

“Maybe… maybe, this isn’t a good idea.”  Steve nodded.  Tony waited for him to say something but Steve just looked out at the street in front of them.  Tony sighed again and then opened the car door.

“What do I do with your car?” Steve asked.

“Keep it,” Tony said.  He slammed the door shut after stepping out.  Steve shook his head and watched Tony walk into his building.  He put the car in drive and then pressed the gas pedal.  He drove fast, and sure, he was only going back to the dorm.  But he was a college student, and that was home now.

           

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't really know where this is going or if it's a story so...


	3. 85 mph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dance Yrself Clean - LCD Soundsystem

When Tony told you to keep the car you knew he meant it. Even though he slammed the door afterward. You knew that if you came back the next day and tried to give Tony the keys he would only roll his eyes because he doesn’t want the car back. “The car’s not the point, Steve;” you can practically hear it.  
So instead of giving it back, or even talking to Tony at all you just drive around at night. You turn the music up loud (loud enough that even Tony might plug his ears) and try and find the longest stretch of road you can. He’s been texting you, a lot actually, but you’ve ignored them.   
You glance at yourself in the rearview mirror. ‘As if talking to Tony would make it better,’ you say to yourself. It strikes you then that you don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. ‘Not Tony. Not Bucky.’ Sometimes you wish he knew; you wouldn’t have to keep secrets you could just relax.  
More often than not you wish you could just be normal. Or, you know, not normal but— you know there’s nothing wrong with being gay (Born This Way or whatever), but sometimes you wonder if a mistake was made. You don’t really fit in with other gay guys.  
It’s a dumb thought. You always remember eventually that if you weren’t gay then you wouldn’t be in love with Tony. The white sign that zooms past you on your right lets you know that you’re going 40 miles over the speed limit. You slam down on the breaks and can hear the tires make a crunching sound as the car squeals to a stop. It’s late, 2am, and you’re not sure where you’ve driven yourself this time.


End file.
